What Realy Happened
by The Saiyan
Summary: Shows different senerios of what realy happened in the world of Neon Genesis Evangelion. Is now completed
1. Chapter 1

**What REALY Happened…**

* * *

**Scene 1**

(During Shinji's first fight with an Angel)

**Shinji:** (Thinking) Why in the blue hell did I take this job? I could have been the pilot for Wing Zero. But NO I said. This one looks a whole lot EASIER I said. I mean, this thing doesn't even have a radio in here! Sighs Well, at least it beats that other job. I mean, who in their right mind would want to star in an anime where they turn into a girl with cold water and…

**

* * *

Scene 2**

(During the 5th Angel)

**Shinji:** Damn it Rei. How the hell are we suppose to beat this thing?

**Rei:** I do not know Pilot Ikari

(Suddenly Goku appears)

**Goku:** KHAMEHAMEHA!

(Destroys the Angel)

**Gendo:** (Puts his hand on his forehead and shakes it) I know that we asked for a DBZ reference but this is ridiculous.

**

* * *

Scene 3**

(Shinji is walking down the road when he hears a voice)

**Girls voice:** Please wait up Young Master

**Guys voice:** You have to be quicker then that Shorty

(Suddenly the dude runs into Shinji)

**Shinji:** Watch where your going! And who are you anyways?

**Ryang:** I'm Ryang and this is Shorty

**Fanta:** (Bops Ryang on the head) It's Fanta

**Shinji:** Anyways. Do you guys know where Tokyo-3 is?

**Ryang:** Never heard of it

**Fanta:** I have. It's in Japan. But, what are you doing in Korea?

**Shinji:** KOREA! Well, thanks anyways. (Walks away)

Flashback

**Male:** Just Keep walking north for a couple thousand miles. Turn left at the river full of pink fish, and take a right when you get to the cursed springs.

**Shinji:** Thanks. What did you say your name was again?

**Ryoga:** My name is Ryoga Hibaki

End of flashback

**Shinji:** Last time I ever ask him for directions.

**

* * *

Scene 4**

(During the 14th Angel attack)

**Shinji**: (Comes along in Wing Zero) Take this BIOTCH! (Takes his gun out and annihilates the Angel)

**Misato:** What the hell? Shinji, what is that thing?

**Shinji:** This is Wing Zero. It's my new Gundam. I told you guys I wouldn't pilot an Eva again, and this isn't an Eva. Besides, this Gundam is a helluva lot better then those out-of-date things

**Rei:** (Looks impressed) Where did you get that Ikari?

**Shinji:** Could you believe it? I got it off of E-bay for only a buck!

**Rei:** And what about Shipping?

**Shinji:** Well…

(At NERV Headquarters)

**Gendo:** WHAT? WHO EVER ORDER THIS…THIS…GUNDAM-THINGY-MA-JIG IS GOING TO WORK THEIR ASSES OFF UNTILL ALL $999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999.50 IS WELL PAYED OFF!

* * *

And that's all for now. Maybe more, if people want more, in which I doubt very, very much 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I Own nothing. Not even my own Sanity

* * *

**What REALY Happened…**

**Scene 1**

(Siren blares across Tokyo 3)

**Asuka:** Not another Angel Attack!

**Rei:** It would seem so Pilot Soryu

**Shinji:** Well I'm just glad that it's an Angel and not…(Looks up) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

(The Eva Pilots look up to see everybody's favorite giant lizard that loves to destroy Tokyo)

**Godzilla:** (Does the infamous Godzilla Roar)

**Random man on the streets 1:** RUN! IT"S GODZILLA!

**Random man on the street 2:** You're Wrong. It may look like Godzilla, but do to intercontinental copyright laws, it's not.

**Random man on the street 1:** Still we should run like it IS Godzilla!

**Random man on the street 2:** But it isn't

**Both random men:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Shinji:** (Sweat-drop) Well who didn't see that one coming?

* * *

**Scene 2**

**Gendo:** (Walks into Fuyutsuki's office) FUYUTSUKI! WHAT THE EHLL ARE YOU DOING?

**Fuyutsuki:** Playing DDR Sir

**Gendo:** I can see that. But What I don't understand is WHY you are playing it. I could have you fired for this you know.

**Fuyutsuki:** You could……..OR you could shut off all the security cameras and we could BOTH get paid for playing DDR

**Gendo:** Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(Some time later)

**Fuyutsuki:** Combo stoped, Hu Boss?

**Gendo:** Just shut up and dance Old Man

* * *

**Scene 3**

(During the time that Shinji and Asuka Are taking down one of the Angels. ((Cant remember the name of it. it's the one where they had to do everything together))

**Shinji:** During the beginning of the song that both Asuka and himself where forced to listed to) (Thinking) Ok. This music SUCKS! (Changes the Radio in his EVA. Eye of the Tiger starts playing) Much better

* * *

**Scene 4**

(Shinji is sitting on the couch with Rei next too him. He turns on the TV and hears a very familiar jingle)

(TV Screen)

_What would you do for a Klondike Bar_

_Gendo: Excuse me Mr. Angel. But would you attack Tokyo 3 for no apparent reason?_

_Angel: No. Why would I do that? That would make me look like a bad guy_

_Gendo: Not even for a Klondike bar?_

_(Goes into the Jingle.) ((Sorry ppl but I forgot how it goes)_

_(Screen goes to the EVAs fighting the same Angel)_

_What would you do (oooh, oooh) for a Klondike bar?_

(End commercial)

**Shinji:** (Turns off the TV) So that's where they get all their money from

**Rei:** (Nods looking a bit shocked)

* * *

And that's all for now. Maybe more will come, depending on how well this thing actualy goes. 


	3. Chapter 3

**What Realy Happened…**

Disclaimer: Cant have a fan fic without it

* * *

**Scene 1**

(Just after the 3rd Angel was destroyed)

(Final Fantasy Victory Music starts playing)

**Shinji:** Alright!

**Ritsuko:** What in the world?

(Text appear on her screen)

125 Gil

612 Ex

Shinji leveled up!

Atk increase 3

Def increase 4

Int increase 1

Agl increase 2

Learned Kadoh-ken

**

* * *

Scene 2 **

(During the scene where Misato was yelling at Shinji for disobeying orders)

**Misato:** Tell me Shinji. What is it that you want

**Shinji:** what I want? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT! (Pulls out an ax (The musical one, not the weapon))  
_I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I want to rock (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
Turn it down you say,  
Well all I got to say to you is time and time again I say, "No!"  
No! No, No, No, No, No!  
Tell me not to play  
Well, all I got to say to you when you tell me not to play, I say, "No!"  
No! No, No, No, No, No!  
So, if you ask me why I like the way I play it  
There's only one thing I can say to you  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I want to rock (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
There's a feelin' that I get from nothin' else and there ain't nothin' in the world  
That makes me go!  
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!  
Turn the power up  
I've waited for so long so I could hear my favorite song so,  
Let's go! Go!  
Go, go, go, go, go!  
When it's like this I feel the music shootin' through me There's nothin' else that I would rather do  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)  
I want to rock (Rock)  
I wanna rock! (Rock)_

(Up in Gendos office)

**Fuyutsuki:** Well sir, you got to admit. He's much better at it then you

**Gendo:** Shut up

* * *

**Scene 3**

(Shinji is at one of the computers typing furiously)

**Maya:** Shinji? What are you doing?

**Shinji:** Oh, nothing much. I just hacked into the Evas programming and reprogrammed them.

**Maya:** Why did you do that? And won't you be punished if the commander finds out?

**Shinji:** Don't worry about it. The program I used is completely 100 hand-to-hand combat. If anything, I just improved their combat abilities.

**Maya:** Ok, if you say so

(Angel siren goes off)

**Shinji:** Now to test it out

(During the battle with a random angel)

**Asuka:** (Looks around) Where is that baka?

**Shinji:** (His eva jumps off of a building dressed as scorpion. Points at the angel) I challenge you to Mortal Kombat!

**Angel:** (Tilts its head) Your on punk!

**Nerv:** (gasps) it speaks!

**Voice from nowhere:** 1 round match. Final round. Fight!

**Shinji:** (Hits the angel with a harpoon) Get over here! (does a 6-hit combo then does a teleport punch)

**Shinji:** Finish it off Rei! Press punch, punch, punch, punch, energy

**Rei:** Ok (does it. Eva shouts) Galick Gun! (Destroys the Angel)

**Maya:** Shinji! How did you get the Evas to do that?

**Shinji:** Well for mine all I did was up-loaded Mortal Kombat Trilogy into the Eva. For Rei I used Vegeta from DBZ Budokai 2 and for Asuka…

**Asuka's Eva:** (Does the super taunt)

**Shinji:** … I used Dan

* * *

**Scene 4**

(When Shinji and his father met after he abandoned him)

**Gendo:** If you won't pilot it, then leave. We have no use for a coward like you

**Shinji:** (Looks pissed) (Thinking) There is no way I'm going to let him get away with that! (talking) Oh ya? Well your mother was a hamster and your father smells like elderberries!

**Gendo:** (Runs into his office crying)

* * *

And that's all for now. Till next time! That is, if there is a next time. 


	4. Chapter 4

**What Realy Happened…**

Disclaimer: Damnpeople making me do a disclaimer otherwise they'll sue my ass off for a dollar

* * *

**Scene 1**

(All the Eva's are doing a test to see which one is the best)

**Misato:** And time is up

**Gendo:** And the scores?

**Misato:** Well Eva Unit 2 managed to score 186

**Asuka:** Here that Baka? Mine's higher then yours!

**Misato:** Eva Unit 0 scored 567

**Gendo:** A new high score. Well done Rei

**Rei:** Thank you commander

**Misato:** Well, a new high score, yes. But not one that will last. Unit 1 managed to get a perfect score!

**Asuka:** WHAT? HOW DID THAT BAKA GET A PERFECT!

(Shinji runs into the office breathing heavily)

**Shinji:** Sorry I'm late Misato. I lost track of time. Did you guys start the tests already?

**Gendo:** Wait. If Shinji just got here then who…

(They open the plug to revel…)

**Nerv staff:** PENPEN!

**PenPen:** (Waves then squakes)

* * *

**Scene 2**

(Takes place in the alternate world but still has the same Shinji)

**Rei:** What are you doing? Riding his bologna pony?

**Asuka:** N-N-NO! We're just childhood friends!

**Shinji:** (Extremely shocked. Thinking) Holy shit…….Rei has EMOTIONS! (Faints)

* * *

**Scene 3**

(Angel Siren goes off)

**Misato:** What is it?

**Maya:** I don't know. It may be another angel. Here it is. Code pattern……pink?

**Misato:** Did you just say pink?

(With the pilots)

**Shinji:** Well I guess we're gonna be fighting another angel

**Asuka:** No shit

**Rei:** That angel looks familiar…

**Asuka:** What are you talking about wonder girl?

(They all look at the "Angel")

**Shinji:** (Face-faults) I can't believe it

**Asuka:** Who is it?

**Shinji:** Ganondorf!

**Ganondorf:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Shinji:** (sweat drops and heads back to his place)

(Rei and Asuka follow him)

**Rei:** What are you going Ikari?

**Shinji:** (searching in his closet) damn it…I know it's in here somewhere…

**Asuka:** What are you looking for baka? A spine?

**Rei:** ("Accidentally" knocks Asuka out)

**Shinji:** (Smiles) I knew it! (pulls out a box and opens it to revile the Master Sword) Link's not the only hero of Hyrule!

* * *

**Scene 4**

**Asuka:** I don't even know why I put up with you Shinji. You're such a baka andsuch a coward its disgusting!

**Shinji:** (Thinking) I've had enough of her shit (Talking) You are so un-cute

**Asuka:** (Shocked) W-w-what?

**Shinji:** YOU'RE UN-CUTE!

**Asuka:** (Speechless)

**Shinji:** MACHO CHICK! YOUR BUILT LIKE A STICK, YOUR DUMB AS A BRICK, YOUR THIGHS ARE TOO THICK, YOUR HAIR'S A COW LICK, YOU ITCH LIKE TICK, YOU CANT EVEN KICK!

**Asuke:** (Runs out crying)

**Shinji:** (Smiles and grabs a book called "How to insult by Dr. Seuss) I gotta remember to thank Ranma for letting me borrow this

* * *

And that's all for now. Until we meet again! 


	5. Chapter 5

**What REALY happened**

**Scene 1**

(Shinji during the walk to give Rei her NERV card)

Shinji: (Singing) Zankoku na tenshi no you ni

Goku: (Flies in) Did somebody mention my name?

Shinji: No, I just singing our theme song

Goku: Oh (Flys away sad)

Shinji: (Sighs) He just hasn't been the same since they made GT...

**Scene 2**

(Siren blares across Tokyo 3)

Asuka: Another Angel attack?

Maya: Main screen turn on!

Gendo: It's you!

Angel: Good morning gentlemen. All your base are belong to us

Gendo: What you say?

Shinji: (Screams) Shut up! Just...shut up. That joke sucks anyways...

**Scene 3**

(What Eva's do in their spare time)

Eva 01: So 00, what are you doing tonight?

Eva 00: If you are asking me out 01 the answer is no. As usual.

Eva 02: I don't see why you keep asking 00 out when I'M much better.

Eva 01: (Whispers to 00) He still hasn't figured out I'm a guy yet?

Eva 00: Not yet

Eva 01 v.v

**Scene 4**

Brolly: (Appears out of nowhere) Kakkarot...Kakkarot...KAKKAROT!

Goku: Right over there (Points to Vegeta)

Vegeta: That's it Kakkarot. You are OFF the christmas card list!

Shinji: (Confused) Wait...I thought this was suppost to be an Evangelion story.

The Saiyan: Well it was, but I ran out of ideas for it.

Shinji: So, we're fired arn't we?

The Saiyan: No I'm keeping you and Rei.

Shinji: Cool. But as for the story...

The Saiyan: Ya, it's over.


End file.
